I’ve read dozens of books, articles, and blog posts about sleep training. I’ve also talked with other new and veteran mommies about their own experiences. And if I’ve learned anything it’s this…that there is no exact answer or solution to getting your child to sleep. Every baby is different and it’s impossible to try to say that one method will work for everyone. Two weeks ago I read an article that said “If your baby is waking up multiple times a night, you’re doing something wrong.” If I had read this a couple of months ago, I would have felt like a complete failure. Because it’s putting the blame on the parent, when in reality there is no one to blame. You are not doing anything wrong. You are doing the best you can, which is amazing. So to all those mom’s out there who are sleep deprived and reading this at 2 am while you’re up with the baby for the 3rd time tonight…you are doing a great job.
But for anyone wondering. Babies will sleep eventually. It may take months or years…but eventually you and them will figure out something. For my baby and me, it took almost one year. One year of waking up sometimes every 2 hours give or take. I tried sleep training at 4, 6, and 9 months. I tried the ferber method, moms on call, crying it out, the sleep lady shuffle, and more that I can’t even remember. But no matter the method, they all involved a little bit of crying. And crying at all for him didn’t work. He would immediately start vomiting. I had to nurse to sleep, and we could only put him down in his rock n play. And even then he still woke up at least every 2 hours and so the process would repeat.
At 10 months things started to change. That began with buying a dock-a-tot. He still had to be nursed to sleep, but he would now sleep in his crib with the dock-a-tot. He used to nap for only 15-20 minutes and now he naps for 45 minutes to an hour or more. He also started sleeping for longer stretches at night. It went from waking every 2 hours to every 4 hours.
(Photo from his baby monitor. We use the dockatot in his crib. His teddy is next to him and the “aquarium” is hanging in front of him. He loves his bed now! I am aware of the safety standards and the risks associated with having objects or “cushions” in his bed, but we didn’t add these until 10-11 months of age when I felt like he could handle them and it was approved from his pediatrician.)
At 12 months I decided that since he was doing better at night, and since I was wanting to start weaning anyways, that I would try the cry it out method again. I started by doing it at nap times. The first time was hard, but he didn’t throw up! It took about 40 minutes of crying but he finally fell asleep on his own without rocking or nursing him. The next few times he cried for less and less time. Then I started doing it at bedtime as well.
Now after about 2 weeks of this it sometimes takes 5 minutes or so of crying, but most of the time he won’t even cry at all. It’s amazing. He’s even slept through the night a few times. (Most of the time he’ll still wake up once a night, and that’s ok! I’ve been letting him cry himself back to sleep, but if he cries for longer then 10 minutes in the middle of the night then I’ll nurse him because he might be waking up hungry. Lately he’ll wake up and cry for about 5 minutes and then put himself back to sleep.)
(Another key for us to get him to sleep through the night is making sure to wear him out during the day. Especially during the time between his last nap and dinner time. The playground has been our go-to lately for that.)
For us, we realized that if we go in while he’s crying then it’ll make it worse. So we take him in his room, turn on his sound machine, turn on his crib “aquarium”, make sure he has his lovey, and then walk out. He knows this routine now and I think that helps him know now that it means it’s time to go to sleep. I’ve heard other babies are comforted if their parents come in and just sit by their crib. Just another way that all babies are so different!
It was hard to hear him cry, but it was worth it to us because now he gets more sleep and so do we. We also get more time alone in the evenings and have our room back to ourselves. Another benefit is that it’s put us on more of a predictable schedule so I can plan more daytime activities. So even though it took a year to get to this point, I know it’s what was best for our baby. So if you’re struggling with a bad sleeper…take heart. You are not doing anything wrong and you will get through this! You are doing a great job and your baby loves you for everything you do!