I taught Middle School Math for 3 years, and High School Algebra for another 3 years. I learned a lot about myself in those 6 years, and even though I’m still unsure whether or not I’ll return to the teaching field, I love that what I’ve learned has carried me into motherhood.
When teaching, we were always told to have high expectations. No matter the student or situation, students would rise to your expectations. Well, now that Braxton is at an age that he can understand more, I’ve been trying this concept with him as well. And to my surprise it has helped tremendously with him. I’ve had parents message me about how well behaved Braxton always seems in public, so I thought I’d share a strategy I use with him. Here’s an example of a situation:
Setting the Expectation: I needed to go to the store to get a birthday present for one of Braxton’s friends. Taking both Braxton and Kaley to Target is a lot harder these days. So I decided to first talk to Braxton about what we were going to do. We were going to Target, but we were going to just pick out a toy for his friend. I then set the expectation for how he should behave. I told him he needed to stay with me the whole time, that we could look at toys, and he could help pick one out for his friend, but that we weren’t there to get him anything. He said he understood and then we left.
Reminders of Expectation: As soon as we parked, I reminded him that he was to stay with me. Then I asked him if he remembered what we needed at the store. He told me we were just picking a gift for his friend. I praised him for remembering, then we went in.
Acknowledging and Preventing Meltdowns: While walking around, he would randomly pick up a toy or object and tell me “look mom, how cool!” I would make sure to look and acknowledge his excitement. 90% of the time that’s all he wanted, was to show me he liked something. And then he would put it back. But for the few times he would say he really wanted something, I would remind him “Santa is coming soon, would you like to add this to your list to him?” He would happily say yes, and then we would move on. (This also works for upcoming birthday’s.) I knew that rushing him would start a meltdown so I also took our time and let him look around.
He then picked out the birthday gift, helped me carry it to the car, and we went home. He was proud of helping me pick it, and when it came time to go to the party, he was happy to help me wrap it and give it to the birthday girl. I know this won’t work every time, or with every kid, but I do think talking to your child and setting the expectation might surprise you. I realized that sometimes it might be that I’m just not talking to him enough, so talking through every step with him helped him understand better. Think about it this way. You are with your significant other, and they drive you to your favorite store without letting you know where you are going. You get there all excited, and want to explore everything, and pick up everything. But then you are constantly just being told no, and getting yelled at. How would you respond? Communication is key.
Thank you to all my students over the past few years. You all have made me a better person and mother. I’m so proud of ya’ll, and I love seeing and hearing from you. It’s crazy to me that kids I taught in 7th/8th grade are now Juniors in college getting ready for their senior year and heading to the real world soon. I can’t wait to see what and who you all become. My decision to become a stay-at-home mom was never about the students. (It also wasn’t about the other teachers I worked with. I always had amazing coworkers and they are the ones who helped me through some rough days.)
I chose to stay home partly because of being burnt out by the politics of teaching. The stress of performing for the STAAR test, (the Texas standardized test), and the headache when your not getting the scores the school administration expects. I also chose to stay home partly because of myself. I knew I wouldn’t be giving myself 100% to the students anymore, nor could I give myself 100% to my own kids. Teachers don’t just work from 9-5 like most jobs. I was waking up at 4am to get to school at 5am for soccer practice. (I was also the high school assistant soccer coach my last year of teaching. Before that I was coaching Track.) School would start at 8:15 and I would teach until 4:20. I would stay until around 5:00 cleaning up the room and getting copies of papers made for the following day. If it was a soccer game day, we would head to the fields right after school and stay there until 9 or 10pm. There would be days I would leave the house at 4:30am and not get home until after 10pm. (And this was when I was 8 months pregnant.) Even if it wasn’t a soccer game day, I would get home around 5:30pm and have to grade papers for at least an hour, answer parent e-mails, and plan future lessons. So either my kids quality of life would suffer, or my students would. To me, it was too much anxiety to even think about. Everyone says you don’t get into teaching for the money, which is true, but it adds insult to injury when you are working so hard, and making so little.
So for many reasons, we decided until the kids got a little older I would stay home with them. I do plan to work again, because especially once both kids are in school, I would want to still stay busy. Right now though I’m unsure of what that will be, but I’m just trying to live in the moment and enjoy all the time I get with them right now.
Teaching experience definitely helps with parenting, but managing 5th grade behavior is so different than 3 year old behavior for me! Haha! I like your reminder that communication is key! Hannah is usually pretty good in stores and when she wants something I always try to say “not this time” instead of just “no”. Lately we’ve taken pictures of things to remember what we want to ask Santa for 🙂
Being a SAHM was a goal that both Tyler and I had for awhile, and by the end of year 8 teaching I was definitely feeling burnt out. Especially since the last two years were after Hannah was born. I hated feeling like I had to choose between being a good mom or a good teacher each day. I am truly thankful for this time at home and know that I am physically and mentally healthier because of it.